A Musical Guide for Prostate Cancer Patients
Bill McLaughlin, M.D.
The songs on this page have been loosely grouped by their relevant risk categories.
For men with low risk cancers (the small c) the first question is "to treat or not to treat?" Some low risk cancers are ideally suited for the deferred treatment approach, while others are not. Likewise, some personalities are ideally suited for deferred treatment, while others are not.
For men with intermediate risk cancers, treatment is almost always recommended. The main questions are "which proven treatments are available, and when are more aggressive approaches warranted?" Surgery, beam radiation, and seeds are the competing options a man must consider.
For men with "high risk cancer," the term itself may provoke anxiety. Most high-risk cancers are curable with aggressive treatments. Such treatments may temporarily disrupt quality of life with side effects. These men must move from grudgingly accepting this course (i.e. “taking their medicine”) to embracing their treatment. The treatment itself is seldom as difficult as men imagine it would be. In fact, nearly 100% of men complete their planned treatment.
For low, intermediate, and high-risk cancers, cure is the first priority. Quality of life after treatment is a secondary, but increasingly important, concern. In recent years, cure rates have increased and quality of life has improved. Two men with exactly the same level of cancer may make very different decisions based on how they individually weight these concerns. One may choose an aggressive option with a very high cure rate and care very little about the potential side effects. This is the “CURE and quality of life” approach. Another will choose the treatment with the best-proven quality of life, even if the initial cure rate drops slightly. This is the “QUALITY OF LIFE and cure” approach.
For men with metastatic cancer, excellent treatment options are available that can control the disease for years and sometimes decades. The psychological hurdle of understanding what it means to be incurable is the immediate challenge. Once a man understands that his cancer is treatable and easily controlled, despite being incurable, a level of positivity can be restored. The hope for a long remission replaces hope for a cure.
Men diagnosed with prostate cancer should never feel that the burden of determining which treatment is best rests solely on their own shoulders. Expert panels from every discipline and approach have been formed to provide a list of proven treatments from which a man may choose.
The best place to start the songs section is the introduction songs
Introductory Songs In My Prostate Read, Don’t Worry
Low Risk Songs Sometimes Less is More Better Safe Than Sorry
Intermediate Risk Songs In My Prostate Cut it Out Why Would Anyone do Anything Else
High Risk Songs Testosterone Pimp My Prostate
Deciding on Treatment Song
Read, Don't Worry
Metastatic Cancer Song The Horse is Out of the Barn
Post Treatment Recovery Song Where There’s a Will, There’s a way
In My Prostate I’m just a man, an aging man
Still got a life, still got a plan
My goals are modest at this stage
Just want to live to a miserable old age
And now I know what Stanley meant
When years ago my ear he bent
He said life comes down to effort, skill and luck
But no matter what they say the golden years suck
There was a tube and a needle up my behind
The doctor said he’d take a look and see what he could find
In my prostate
In my prostate
Biopsies cancer, its Gleason 7
I saw a coffin, I’m off to heaven
I’ve had a good life, I can’t complain
But the thought of cancer in my body drives me insane
Some call me poppa, some call me dad
These simple things make me so glad
But there’s a walnut size gland blocking my path
And my mood swings now from sadness to wrath
There was a tube and a needle up my behind
The doctor said he’d take a look and see what he could find
In my prostate
In my prostate
Doctor said, “have no fear”
We’ll cure this thing with high tech gear
I hope he’s not giving me a line
They said they cured Uncle Joe – he was gone in no time
I had the treatment, and I must say
Two beautiful therapists line me up every day
They zero in and then they zap
I confess I had a dream one was sitting on my lap
There was a tube and a needle up my behind
The doctor said he’d take a look and see what he could find
In my prostate
In my prostate
Its been years since those dark days
Of Gleason Scores and PSAs
Sometimes I look back with a smile
Though at the time it was quite a trial
I have to say Stan my friend
Wasn’t right how it all ends
I savor every moment I can live
Especially as I consider the alternative
A man relives his prostate cancer experience. He had a highly curable Gleason 7 level cancer, one step beyond the lowest grade of Gleason 6, and imagined that he would die. He has lived to tell the tale with humor and comes to a different conclusion about life than Stanley, who warned him years ago, “No matter what they tell you, the golden years suck!”
Read, Don’t Worry - after hearing many strong opinions on how to treat prostate cancer, a man asks his doctor’s opinion
Read, Don’t Worry Friend’s cousin’s Uncle Jimmy had seeds
Said that’s the way to go
My brother’s uncles cousin had surgery
And he ought to know
My neighbor down the street had it frozen
And his love life too
With all these experts telling me
A different thing to do
Doc I thought I’d ask you
What you think I need
I gave it to him straight
You need, to read
Read, don’t worry
Read, don’t hurry
It’s a curable cancer
Read, don’t worry
Don’t stop reading
Till you find an answer
One doctor told me chill I can watch and wait
One said it's getting late
Some scare me and he told me he can save my life
With a robotic, acrobatic Ginsu knife
There’s a doctor on the radio
With a whining nasal voice
Makes himself out to be doctor god
Seeing him is the only choice
So doc I have to ask you
What you think I need
You need to understand
Understand, you need to read
Read, don’t worry
Read, don’t hurry
It’s a curable cancer
Read, don’t worry
Don’t stop reading
Till you find an answer
I would need a degree and a college course
In advanced statistics
A graduate level engineering lab
In localized ballistics
Might even have to go to medical school
Study cellular fission
Before I’m able and qualified
To make a good decision
So Doc, I just want an answer
Don’t make me plead
You don’t need those courses
You just need to read
Read, don’t worry
Read, don’t hurry
It’s a curable cancer
Read, don’t worry
Don’t stop reading
Till you find an answer
Doc let me summarize my case for you
Just what I have planned
I’ve been reading for seven days and nights
And I finally understand
Gleason’s up on the high side
It was 20 now it’s 24
And my PSA keeps going up
Now it’s 3+4
So doc, I have to ask you,
I said what I said before
You need to understand
And you need to read a little more
Read, don’t worry
Read, don’t hurry
It’s a curable cancer
Read, don’t worry
Don’t stop reading
Till you find an answer
In the modern era there are countless cancer experts giving strong opinions. Here, a newly diagnosed man has heard strong opinions from other patients and competing opinions from doctors. He just wants a doctor to tell him what to do. Instead, his doctor tells him that reading and educating himself is the only way to find the right answer for him, as painful as that may be.
Low Risk Songs To treat or not to treat?
Sometimes Less is More – after a poor outcome, a patient speaks against treatment
Sometimes Less is More Sometimes less is more
Sometimes less is more
Add up the PSA and the Gleason Score
Think it through again
Sometimes less is more
You want to call in the troops, you want to nuke it and juke it
You want to cut it up and chop it with a robotic tool kit
There’s a million dollar treatment with a million dollar hype
Before you pull the trigger smoke a peace pipe
Before you decide how to beat it
The question is - to treat or not to treat it?
Sometimes less is more
Less is more
Fear drives you to a radical solution
Next thing you’ve got – bed sheet pollution
You go to make love, the heart is willing but the
Vessels below have trouble filling
You’re cancer free but you wonder why
The price for cure went up so high
Sometimes less is more
Sometimes less is more
Add up the PSA and the Gleason Score
Think it through again
Sometimes less is more
You call me a wimp with a wimpy cancer
Sir if you’re a wimp, only your brother can answer
All I know is this cancer won’t live up to your fears
But your quality of life may be affected for years
Stop and consider my advice
And don’t decide until your fears on ice
Sometimes less is more
Less is more
Some men have cancers that need the big guns
That’s the only way the battle can be won
Each year thirty thousand face the ultimate test
But their cancer is as far from yours as east is from west
Fear may cause you to pull a lever
That you’ll regret forever and ever
Sometimes less is more
Sometimes less is more
Add up the PSA and the Gleason Score
Think it through again
Sometimes less is more
In this song, a man who had a poor outcome with treatment warns others not to make the same mistake. He realizes that he did not seriously consider the watch and wait approach, but now wishes he had. He could have written the article “I want my prostate back.” It is not hard to find men voicing this opinion at support groups or on prostate cancer blogs. Their intention is good. The weakness of his argument is generalizing his experience to others. In the modern era complications are rare, and when asked a year after treatment, the vast majority would choose the same approach.
Even if men do not choose deferred treatment, it is critical they understand there is good science to support this approach. Their cancer may never live up to the word cancer, and may not require treatment at all. It is important for peace of mind to understand you are in such a favorable prognostic group. Unfortunately, the term cancer carries such ominous weight and invokes so much fear that the idea of not treating it can seem absurd, dangerous, and irresponsible. It is critical that patients move from Brand X cancer lurking in the unconscious mind, to their specific cancer that may be as far from Brand X as east is from west.
The problem with this man’s approach is assuming that everyone who has the treatment he had will have the same complications. One must consider the possible complications of treatment and make sure he can accept them if they occur, while knowing that severe complications are rare in the modern era.
Better Safe Than Sorry – a man decides to treat his low risk cancer
Better Safe Than Sorry Better safe than sorry
When it comes to the big, Big C
Better safe than sorry
For me
Doctor I hear you and I understand
This isn’t likely to force my hand
I got options and they all are great
You say the best in is watch and wait
Better safe than sorry
Better safe than sorry
You say there’s a chance lurking within
A wolf in sheep’s clothing might do me in
The chance may be small but with my luck I’ll bet
I’ll be the one to look back and regret
Better safe than sorry
When it comes to the big, Big C
Better safe than sorry
For me
I know there are things that might get me first
My ticker might stop, my aorta may burst
In my estimation I’ve got twenty more
My great grandpa lived to ninety four
Better safe than sorry
Better safe than sorry
I don’t really mind the effects some dread
Back in the day I had great fun in bed
If I’m working out and there’s a leak below
I’ll just wear a pad and no one will know
Better safe than sorry
When it comes to the big, Big C
Better safe than sorry
For me
In this song, a man has been told to consider deferred treatment, but, fearing his cancer is a “wolf in sheep’s clothing," elects to have immediate treatment. During surgery, 20% of men with what appeared to be low risk cancers are found to have more aggressive disease that warrants treatment. Currently, 100% of these men must undergo treatment to cure hidden, aggressive cancers. MRI may ultimately prove useful in finding the aggressive 20%, saving a great number of men a treatment that may not be necessary.
It is never a wrong decision to elect treatment. Even though deferred treatment is an acceptable option, some men and their spouses find this choice incompatible with common sense and coming to peace. For them a “better safe than sorry” is the only approach.
One important thing to notice is that the man in this song makes it clear he has carefully considered the potential side effects and is okay with them. This is a good example for all men deciding on therapy.
Intermediate Risk Songs Weighing the options
In My Prostate - a man relives his experience with external beam treatment
In My Prostate I’m just a man, an aging man
Still got a life, still got a plan
My goals are modest at this stage
Just want to live to a miserable old age
And now I know what Stanley meant
When years ago my ear he bent
He said life comes down to effort, skill and luck
But no matter what they say the golden years suck
There was a tube and a needle up my behind
The doctor said he’d take a look and see what he could find
In my prostate
In my prostate
Biopsies cancer, its Gleason 7
I saw a coffin, I’m off to heaven
I’ve had a good life, I can’t complain
But the thought of cancer in my body drives me insane
Some call me poppa, some call me dad
These simple things make me so glad
But there’s a walnut size gland blocking my path
And my mood swings now from sadness to wrath
There was a tube and a needle up my behind
The doctor said he’d take a look and see what he could find
In my prostate
In my prostate
Doctor said, “have no fear”
We’ll cure this thing with high tech gear
I hope he’s not giving me a line
They said they cured Uncle Joe – he was gone in no time
I had the treatment, and I must say
Two beautiful therapists line me up every day
They zero in and then they zap
I confess I had a dream one was sitting on my lap
There was a tube and a needle up my behind
The doctor said he’d take a look and see what he could find
In my prostate
In my prostate
Its been years since those dark days
Of Gleason Scores and PSAs
Sometimes I look back with a smile
Though at the time it was quite a trial
I have to say Stan my friend
Wasn’t right how it all ends
I savor every moment I can live
Especially as I consider the alternative
A man relives his prostate cancer experience. He had a highly curable Gleason 7 level cancer, one step beyond the lowest grade of Gleason 6, and imagined that he would die. He has lived to tell the tale with humor and comes to a different conclusion about life than Stanley, who warned him years ago, “no matter what they tell you, the golden years suck!”
Cut it Out If you understand the word cancer
What it can do, what its about
You know the only answer
Is cut it out
Just cut it out
I just want it out of my body
Fifty leagues beneath the sea
I just want it out of my body
So I can tell my friends I’m cancer free
When in doubt
cut it out
You might use a robot
Or might go old school
That’s your call
I don’t care if you tear it out with your bare hands
As long as you tell me
I got it all
If you understand the word cancer
What it can do, what its about
You know the only answer
Is cut it out
Just cut it out
I know you’re gonna get it all
But you say sometimes you may not
We’ll take care of those straggling cells later
But first lets give it our best shot
When in doubt
Cut it out
I might leak some urine
And my erections may cease
But if we don’t do this thing doc
I won’t have a moment’s peace
If you understand the word cancer
What it can do, what its about
You know the only answer
Is cut it out
Just cut it out
A man responds to his diagnosis of cancer with an absolute certainty that there is one, and only one, correct solution: surgery. Even when the surgeon warns him that he may not get it all with surgery, his gut tells him he will not be able to sleep at night if he doesn’t do this. This is a perfectly reasonable individual decision. Physicians often help patients decide by asking the question: "Which treatment will let you sleep in peace at night?”
Again, it important to note the man has made an informed decision. He realizes there may be side effects and complications from treatment, and he is accepting of those side effects.
Why Would Anyone do Anything Else? - seeds are the only answer
Why Would Anyone do Anything Else Cure and quality of life
Have your cake and eat it too
Why would anyone do anything else?
Why would anyone do anything else?
The farmer plants the seeds
And a good crop grows
And at harvest time
He reaps what he sows
Sometime the farmer sows
A different kind of seed
To clear the choking vines
And every kind of weed
If all goes well
The stalks grow high
Up to his shoulder
Up to the sky
If a simple farmer
Knows what to do
I’m sure a doctor
Knows how too
Cure and quality of life
Have your cake and eat it too
Why would anyone do anything else?
Why would anyone do anything else?
Cast the seeds
Far and wide
Just how many
You decide
Cover every corner of the gland
Make the cancer understand
This is not their home, they must fry
When the seeds are done, they will die
I can feel it working
There’s burning when I pee
Something down there’s dying
I hope its them not me
Cure and quality of life
Have your cake and eat it too
Why would anyone do anything else?
Why would anyone do anything else?
I’ll have seeds in the morning
And I’m home by three
And my new life starts
I am cancer free
No incisions and no stitches
No tubes up my private parts
Just a little prostate swelling
Makes me stop and start
The next day I’ll golf under par
Make love to a woman half my age
For the first time in my life I’m hot
At least on a Geiger gauge
Cure and quality of life
Have your cake and eat it too
Why would anyone do anything else?
Why would anyone do anything else?
A man responds to his diagnosis of prostate cancer with an absolute certainty that seed implants are the only answer. His personality comes to this certainty in much the same way that the man in Cut It Out comes to his certainty.
Unlike the men singing Cut It Out and Better Safe Than Sorry, the man in this song may have read and believed the unbalanced propaganda version. The risk is that he has heard all the advantages and has ignored the disadvantages of the treatment. All proven treatments have compelling advantages and fortunately, rare disadvantages; but it is critical that men choosing treatment clearly see the whole picture.
High Risk Songs Embracing therapy
Testosterone -a 55 year-old man dating a 35 year-old woman with a great love life must face shutting it down to address his cancer
Testosterone Testosterone, Testosterone
Best drug I’ve ever known
I’ve tried a few
I’m here to say
Testosterone
Can make my day and night
It’ll make my day and night
Well all I want do is have my fun
Have my day in the sun
Have my night in the sack
But the enemy’s on the attack
I want to fight like a man, but you take it away
We need to do this thing to live another day
You say the cancer’s gonna wither and die
But so will I, doc, without my...
Testosterone, Testosterone
Best drug I’ve ever known
I’ve tried a few
I’m here to say
Testosterone
Can make my day and night
It’ll make my day and night
Well alright doc you made the case
The only way we can erase
You say in time I’ll do the mojo dance
With the fire in my belly and in my pants
The Reaper lives on Mr T
If we want to beat him I’ll agree
To pull the plug to save my life
And the Reaper will put down his knife
But Doc...Doc...Doc..Doc...Please!
Don’t make me do this
Doc...Doc...Doc...Doc...Please!
Don’t put me through this
You’re gonna knock this king
From my throne
You’re gonna take the wind
Out of my cyclone
I’ll have a B cup
Of my own
You‘ll take way
My funnin’ bone
I’ll lose all my
Muscle tone
I’ll use all the manly hair
I’ve grown
And I can hear myself
Just piss and moan
Cause you took away
Took away my...
Testosterone, Testosterone
Best drug I’ve ever known
I’ve tried a few
I’m here to say
Testosterone
Can make my day and night
It’ll make my day and night
Well it’s been a few months without my drive
And I’m grateful just to be alive
Knowing me I never would guess
But there’s more to life than horniness
I still look forward to the day and night
When the cancers gone and things are right
When my testosterone's increased
And I’m the gangster of love and a studly beast
Some men are quite confident of their sexual prowess and reside where few other mortal men can go - at least that’s what they would like you to believe. The singer here is in that rare group, and the prospect of “shutting it down” is in some ways as fearful as the cancer.
Testosterone is the male hormone that essentially makes a man a man. Unfortunately, prostate cancer cells grow under the influence of testosterone. A critical treatment for aggressive prostate cancers is blocking testosterone production in the hope that the cancer may rapidly shrink to a more curable stage. The side effects vary widely, but total loss of libido is common. Thus, a man who has been quite active sexually will lose all interest for a brief time. For some this is a minor inconvenience and even a relief. “Strange to have the burden of horniness lifted after all these years,” as one patient put it. For others, it is a devastating blow to their quality of life well beyond the sexual side effects. Some men read the potential side effects (as our subject does) and may initially decide against it, but predicting which side effects an individual will have is never easy. In all treatments, roughly 10% will have minimal side effects, 10% will have bothersome side effects, and the rest will experience a wide spectrum of tolerable side effects.
Hormone therapy is one of the most critical arms of treatment, especially for aggressive cancers. Unlike other localized therapies, hormone therapy treats the whole body.
Pimp My Prostate - a man overcomes his fear of treatment
Pimp My Prostate Pimp my prostate...pull all the weeds
Pimp my prostate...with glittering seeds
Pimp my prostate...the dream beam
Pimp my prostate doctor...to the extreme
It’s gonna take more than beam
It’s gonna take more than seeds
If we want to eradicate
My prostate disease
It’s gonna take an MRI
It’s gonna take a hormone shot
It’s gonna take an ultrasound
It’s gonna take all you got
Pimp my prostate...pull all the weeds
Pimp my prostate...with glittering seeds
Pimp my prostate...the dream beam
Pimp my prostate doctor...to the extreme
It’s aggressive as a cancer gets
But not beyond the cure
Everything but the kitchen sink
Is what I must endure
Go ahead let it rip
Don’t want to look back and regret
Could have would have done this or that
All my chips are on this bet
Pimp my prostate...pull all the weeds
Pimp my prostate...with glittering seeds
Pimp my prostate...the dream beam
Pimp my prostate doctor...to the extreme
You never know what life is worth
Until you’re forced to see
And you have to fight for what
You once got for free
I’ll do anything it takes
And if I ever make the shore
I’ll sing a different song
Then I ever sang before
Pimp my prostate...pull all the weeds
Pimp my prostate...with glittering seeds
Pimp my prostate...the dream beam
Pimp my prostate doctor...to the extreme
This man, fresh from watching “Pimp my Ride,” a show about transforming old junkers into custom hot rods, imagines the doctor will pimp his prostate back into shape.
For men with aggressive cancers, the prospect of life-altering treatment is a major source of stress and fear. Physicians make a distinction between “taking your medicine” grudgingly and “embracing the treatment.” It is critical that men go “all in” on whatever treatment they choose. They should keep reading and soul searching until they feel the treatment makes sense and they actually want it. Unfortunately, some men with aggressive cancers keep reading and reconsidering as a way of stalling. It would be better for them to grudgingly take treatment than to delay necessary treatment.
Deciding on Treatment Song When every expert has a different answer
Read, Don’t Worry -after hearing many strong opinions on how to treat prostate cancer, a man asks his doctor’s opinion
Read, Don’t Worry Friend’s cousin’s Uncle Jimmy had seeds
Said that’s the way to go
My brother’s uncles cousin had surgery
And he ought to know
My neighbor down the street had it frozen
And his love life too
With all these experts telling me
A different thing to do
Doc I thought I’d ask you
What you think I need
I gave it to him straight
You need, to read
Read, don’t worry
Read, don’t hurry
It’s a curable cancer
Read, don’t worry
Don’t stop reading
Till you find an answer
One doctor told me chill I can watch and wait
One said it's getting late
One scared me and he told me he can save my life
With a robotic, acrobatic Ginsu knife
There’s a doctor on the radio
With a whining nasal voice
Makes himself out to be doctor god
Seeing him is the only choice
So doc I have to ask you
What you think I need
You need to understand
Understand, you need to read
Read, don’t worry
Read, don’t hurry
It’s a curable cancer
Read, don’t worry
Don’t stop reading
Till you find an answer
I would need a degree and a college course
In advanced statistics
A graduate level engineering lab
In localized ballistics
Might even have to go to medical school
Study cellular fission
Before I’m able and qualified
To make a good decision
So Doc, I just want an answer
Don’t make me plead
You don’t need those courses
You just need to read
Read, don’t worry
Read, don’t hurry
It’s a curable cancer
Read, don’t worry
Don’t stop reading
Till you find an answer
Doc let me summarize my case for you
Just what I have planned
I’ve been reading for seven days and nights
And I finally understand
Gleason’s up on the high side
It was 20 now it’s 24
And my PSA keeps going up
Now it’s 3+4
So doc, I have to ask you,
I said what I said before
You need to understand
And you need to read a little more
Read, don’t worry
Read, don’t hurry
It’s a curable cancer
Read, don’t worry
Don’t stop reading
Till you find an answer
There are countless cancer experts giving strong opinions. Here, a newly diagnosed man has heard strong opinions from other patients, and competing opinions from doctors. He just wants a doctor to tell him what to do. Instead, his doctor tells him that reading and educating himself is the only way to find the right answer for him, as painful as that may be.
Metastatic Cancer Song Incurable cancer meets incurable love for life
Horse is Out of the Barn When the horse is out of the barn
Its too late to close the door
The horse is out of the barn
that’s just a metaphor
Till they use it to explain
My condition and my state
So I can understand
They found it too late
Once the cancer’s in the bone
Once the cancer’s running free
There’s no way to bring it back
And restore my sanity
When the horse is out of the barn
Its too late to close the door
The horse is out of the barn
that’s just a metaphor
Till they use it to explain
The pickle that I’m in
I can fight to the finish
But I cannot win
Though they can control
They cannot cure
More than half my dreams
Are gone for sure
When the horse is out of the barn
Its too late to close the door
The horse is out of the barn
that’s just a metaphor
Till they use it to explain
What I try to deny
I will go down
Just don’t ask why
Though they can’t prevent
they can forestall
no one can erase
when the writing’s on the wall
[Solo]
So wake up wake up wake up
From your life long sleep
Life just got a little shorter
And a lot more deep
Wake up from the pounding
in your brain
to the precious times
that still remain
When the horse is out of the barn
Its too late to close the door
The horse is out of the barn
that’s just a metaphor
The song Horse is Out of the Barn deals with the initial shock of a diagnosis of incurable cancer. The reality of incurability is repeated three different ways in the first three verses. Each heightens the hopelessness, but psychologically this bottoming out is a kind of drilling down to release a defiant and positive energy that the man may not have known was there. This man would be unlikely to draw those same conclusions after time has passed and the cancer has been brought under control.
The irony is that in the end, the horse out of the barn is the patient. The profound awakening that comes to anyone diagnosed with a serious or life-threatening illness is unmistakable. As their illusions and false sense of security are stripped away, many would describe themselves as awake and free for the first time.
Where There's a Will, There's a Way Where there's a will, there's a way
Where there's a will, there's a way
If you wanna, if you gotta make hay
Hey! Hey!
Where there's a will, there's a way
Doctor I thank you, I think I'm a cure
But my screaming love life is down to a purr
At half mast in grief, my flag I fly
I'm so embarrassed, I don't even try
Where there's a will, there's a way
Where there's a will, there's a way
The first option pills, it's the easy way out
They enhance what you have and end all doubt
Blindness and death, side effects you should know
Doc, if worse come to worse, it's not a bad way to go
Where there's a will, there's a way
Where there's a will, there's a way
If you wanna, if you gotta make hay
Hey! hey!
Where there's a will, there's a way
Muse, a penile suppository,
Just slip it in, it's a whole new story
Doc it burns at the tip, but who really cares
As I carry my old lady up the stairs
Where there's a will, there's a way
Where there's a will, there's a way
Some say the pump can change your status
Once you learn your way around the apparatus
"Pump it up," as Arnold said
Put on the rubber band and it's off to bed
Where there's a will, there's a way
Where there's a will, there's a way
If you wanna, if you gotta make hay
Hey! hey!
Where there's a will, there's a way
The penile prosthesis can make a believer
Just hit a button, watch it cantilever
On command anywhere, anytime
Just don't hit the button when you're waiting in line
Where there's a will, there's a way
Where there's a will, there's a way
Penile injections scare some away
But nothing works better day to day
Doc, I couldn't do that. Needles are scary!
We'll take some Doc. Needles don't scare me!
Where there's a will, there's a way
Where there's a will, there's a way
If you wanna, if you gotta make hay
Hey! hey!
Where there's a will, there's a way
In the modern era, if couples want to recover sexual function, specifically erectile function, “where there’s a will there’s a way.” As they move up the ladder of aids, from simple “pop a pill” solutions to less convenient and even uncomfortable solutions, each couple decides what they are a actually willing to do.
